Post-Fight Wrapup

by Chris de Serres

Woke up this morning feeling tense and exhausted.  We went to bed mad.  Sometimes though rest is all you need to patch things up.  No amount of conversation needs to take place.  Just some time away.  Maybe the fight fixes itself along the way in our dreams.  We wake up foggy and stiff, thinking less and feeling more.  Reflecting better in the early morning hours.  That’s when you realize arguments seem so stupid and petty and needless.  A product mostly of our own inability to ask for what we want and more readily express how we feel.

Marriage is all about compromises and that is hard for us to do.  Some things are easy to compromise.  Mostly I ask myself how much I care about this issue between us?  Does this mean more to her than it does to me?  It can be easy to walk away.  Fights have a tendency to get so convoluted and complex that you wonder what sparked it.  You have no energy or desire to backtrack because you know on some level that it’s not worth the time.  It was just a stupid thing that happened.

I have only been married 7 years, but I believe the key to staying together is becoming really good at forgiving each other’s faults.  We make alot of mistakes.  Some over and over and over again.  We don’t always learn from them either.  We have glaring flaws in personality and character.  We have egos which we sometimes put first before the feelings of others.  We are no different from children quite often.  In marriage, we are asking someone else to take on all of this.  To forgive time and again all the pitfalls we find ourselves in.  To accept our seemingly irrational feelings towards things.  We often just make no sense at all.  Yet, if you are lucky you find someone willing to entertain your nonsense.  It takes love to do that, and not just a little.

Sometimes I wonder where I would be without my wife.  Without her to laugh at my jokes.  To be my partner in crime.  To just go along with my crazy ideas and schemes.  She will go along, at the drop of a hat.  That’s part of what makes her one-of-a-kind.  She’s the hardest working person I know.  A personal inspiration to me.  I love her and I love us.  Our family and our beautiful child.  I remember those things often.  I can get mad at her and I know just how to press her buttons.

That’s the price of being together.  Being vulnerable again and again.  Hurting each other again and again.  Yet, always coming home at the end of the day because there is no place like it in the world.