Calm Again

by Chris de Serres

I sometimes get restless.  To be outside.  To use my body.  To sweat.  I am rough waters.  Roiling and crashing.  When what I want, or what I need, seems to be disappearing off into the distance I crash even louder.  Those I love create space for me.  I lash out.  The tiniest speck ignites it, whatever it is inside of me.  Then like magic, it all dissipates.  It could be an email.  A look from my wife, with the words “just go” loosing from her lips.

Then I go.  To suffer.  At the end is the reward.  I’ve exhausted my body.  I’ve done something.  Hiked to the summit.  Ran the length of a trail.  Climbed the rock face.

Then I am calm again.