I Write Because…
by Chris de Serres
I write because I want to express myself but I didn’t want to talk. Talking requires other people, their opinions and judgments. I just wanted to say something and not hear the echo or response. Sometimes I write for ego, so I let others read this. Maybe they’ll think that what I wrote was good and hopefully not bad. But the best of me are things that no one has read because it wasn’t meant for them.
Sometimes I want to know if I have become delusional or crazy. So I write, then I come back later and read it. Often I was crazy in that moment and i’m grateful that this is how it can be expressed. I write to laugh at myself. At how romantic, cheesy, judgmental, angry, and sad I can be. I write to discover how I am still many things that I thought I wasn’t. A child. A lonely person surrounded by people. The moments are just that, and they exist there for a few seconds or minutes. When I am done writing the moment has ended and I am now someone else completely. The words are squeezed out of me like a sponge and I am no longer weighed down, but instead I am light and full of air.
Sometimes I write to see if I can bounce back from failure. I fail but writing about failing is like slowing my breathing down, inhaling deeply, and exhaling the waste product. Writing is remembering to breathe and I always forget to. So often I don’t write because I am anxious and tense and it’s hard to breathe.
I was never comfortable with telling someone else how I feel. With trust. Writing I can trust. When it’s written on a piece of paper it is there, and I make little effort to hide it because I know my writing is the best expression of me. Better than talking ever will be. So I leave little bits of my writing out for those people I trust. I want them to see it and know it. Know me.