by Chris de Serres
You have guided me most of my life. I wonder if I would have seen the sunrises and sets in so many places without you. You are with me every time I go into the mountains. I find myself climbing difficult terrain only to satisfy you. I don’t even know what you really want most of the times. Yet, I can’t seem to shake you. You take me to beautiful places that I never would have been. You also don’t let me linger too long in those places because you are drawn to what’s next.
You scream bloody murder when I meditate. You don’t like to be looked at or identified. You just want to drive me. And you do. Always. I am always pushing others to change, to be someone else, and it’s because of you. My loved one’s have to accept you to be around me. They have to understand that you control me and I can only find a moment of freedom if I give you what you need.
Hunger, can you release me? Can you tell me what you want so that I can give it to you? So we can go our separate ways. I drove myself physically for 23 hours straight because that’s what you needed. I injured myself numerous times and nearly died for you. I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted and only then did you give me a moment of peace.
I am 42 years old. My body is breaking down and I am still searching for ways to keep you happy. I don’t know who I will be if I can’t drive you from my life. Will you hover above me, speaking into my ear always?
Hunger, I know you well. You have brought me to beautiful places. Let me linger awhile longer.