An Absence of Choices
by Chris de Serres
Sometimes it’s the absence of choices that guides us. For months I have been feeling this burden. Trying to make everyone happy. Everyone content. I wanted them all to feel as if they got their money’s worth. When the time came to do something for myself that choice was taken from me. My body had failed me. My shoulder blew out. I was unable to lift my right arm over my head.
I had been waiting all summer. It was the right adventure with the right partner. I felt energized. But that choice was pared away like a branch.
Yet I feel relief. That battle to prove myself is deferred for another year. So I took all those days off and reconnected with my precious daughter. It was one of life’s unexpected gifts.
We don’t realize we’re fighting these battles with ourselves. With our fathers. With those old voices that we can’t quiet. We don’t take account of what we lose while we are away.
Is this what old age is? Relax my friend, you don’t have to try so hard. Don’t worry about the next moment. Sit for a while. Look at the beautiful sunset with your daughter. She won’t be here forever.
It’s in the absence of choices where true seeing occurs.