Open

by Chris de Serres

She came in for an interview.  She walked by and smiled at me.  Soon she was working next to me.  She seemed tender and fragile somehow.  Mysterious.

We began to joke around during all those lull’s in the workday.  She laughed at my jokes.  I laughed at hers.  We became good friends.  Soon I was driving her home and she sensed something was not right.  She asked me to pull into a parking lot.

I told her that I wanted to be with her.  So we were together.  Kind of.  She didn’t want our coworkers to know about our relationship.  She didn’t want them to treat us differently.

So we told no one.

She had this fear of being seen.  So we didn’t hold hands.  When we were together, we were really together.  She was one of those rare individuals who had an incredible power of attention.  When she gave me her attention I felt like the only thing in the world.  She gave me everything in those moments.

We were either intensely together or apart.  I liked my alone time so this worked out well.  I would go climbing for a few days and come back to her.  Seeing her was like entering a warm, familiar world of love.  She was the only woman who has ever washed my feet.

She was a brilliant writer and had an unusual creative mind.  She was always wanting to experience something new.  Whether it be new restaurants or coffee shops.  We watched odd movies about S&M.  We had discussions about how alternative lifestyles are every bit as loving as traditional ones.  She had this incredible capacity to listen for hours.

She encouraged me to wear color.  Baby blue shirts.  Funky jeans.  I came from the Steve Jobs school of blue jeans and black t-shirts.  So this was quite a stretch.

We had this discussion about her desire to have sex with a woman.  I was open-minded. I didn’t judge.  She described it as an experience she had to have.

Soon we backed off of our relationship a little.  I was busy climbing on my off time, but still enjoying her embrace.   She really missed me too.

Yet, there was nowhere left to go.  I knew she had to be with a woman.  That she wanted it.  We got into a fight.  I texted her.  She was angry.  She texted some hurtful things.  A few days later I bought a small bonsai plant and left it at her doorstep.  It symbolized something that becomes beautiful with great care.

The next day we showed up to work as coworkers.  That was all.

 

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