Finding More of Me

by Chris de Serres

The hardest part of writing is the honesty.  Honesty hurts people.  Seclusion is needed from those we want to protect from our honesty.  I don’t tell those I know about my writing here.  If I did this blog would turn into my Facebook profile.  This social media blizzard that exists, where we are always putting ourselves out there to be evaluated.  To be liked.  To be connected.

Look at me pretending that I am totally oblivious to the camera I am holding up taking a picture of me looking totally in the moment.

I don’t want to be connected.  Not in that way.  I want modest exposure.  I want your honesty.  It’s difficult to give if there is too much invested emotionally.  So I just want you to know me through my writing.

I struggle every day with what I write.  I understand why many writers are alone.  Otherwise we feel responsible for the feelings of others.  So how can I be truly honest in this forum.  Shouldn’t we be ruthless?  Isn’t that the best kind of writing?  We need to be totally self-absorbed.  Not to the point of self-delusion, but totally immersed in our own worlds.

If I had an honest reaction then I want to document it.  To expose it to the air without apology or explanation.

I want to be human.

Maybe I am here because I want to be human every day.  I want to experience it.  Just a taste.  This is my test.